Sunday, December 3, 2017

Adulting truths

This adulting thing is, in Glennon Doyle’s words, brutiful.
I remember when I was little, I just wanted to be an adult, all grown up. I wanted to eat meatloaf and ding dongs all day long, without anyone telling me not to take seconds. I wanted to marry Prince, so he could sing songs about my raspberry beret. I wanted to be able to wear suntan colored pantyhose from those weird plastic eggs, because that was what pretty women wore. I wanted to avoid the hazards of quicksand and tornadoes, while being a famous artist who owned her own sandwich shop.
And then I grew up. Into an an adult.
Granted, there are some wins with the whole adulting thing. I can indeed eat ding dongs all day long, with only my jeans scolding me. I have come to terms with the loss of my dear Prince, and am satisfied with my Spotify where he sings directly to me. I wear pantyhose to corporate holiday parties and funerals, and am fairly certain that no self-respecting woman ever wore suntan ones after 1987. I have managed to steer clear of quicksand, while also managing to give birth to my daughter during an F4 tornado that compelled me to get the hell outta Oklahoma as soon as possible. I will never be a famous artist but I have made a dollar or two writing. I have never owned a sandwich shop but will make you a wicked roasted tomato and pesto grilled cheese.
Every January, I want the new year to be easier. It has taken me forty-three years, but I am realizing that life does not get easier. Adulting continues to mean losing some people I love, and seeing others whom I love hurt and fall down. In 2014, I asked my immensely wiser-than-me therapist how she dealt with seeing her loved ones hurt or hit bottom. She told me that she had trust in her loved ones that they were strong enough to do the hard things and get up after falling.
What a concept. Apparently, one that I forget as I tend to take on the weight of the world, but my people can do the hard things. And so can I.
So, in closing, this adulting thing is brutiful. 2017 has been a hard year. Full of loss and mourning and fear and hurt on so many levels for both me and so many of my loves, but it has also been so full of truth and transparency and life lessons and reminders that it is all worth the work. I realize that 2018 is going to be more of the same, beautiful and brutal all wrapped up in a glittery bow. I am making an early resolution to be okay with this, but don’t you dare try to tell me to give up my ding dongs.

Peace and love and brutiful truths, cupcakes. xx

Life moves fast

I used to have reservoirs just a few steps from my wee cottage's front door. Full of bears, squirrels, deer, foxes, and a few animals I ...