Monday, August 24, 2015

Blurred Edges of a Best Day Ever

Sometimes, a moment is crystallized forever in our memories. Years later, we can tell you exactly what we thought and felt at a moment, down to what the smells and sounds were around us at that second.
This time several years ago, I remember everything falling apart. I had a kid in the hospital at the start of an excruciating journey. My heart was shattered and I kept having to remind myself to breathe, lest I forget. I had someone in my corner fighting the hard fight with me, and everything else going well. These things were pure joy. 
 I remember standing on a rock in my back yard, talking on the phone with my counselor. I remember the smell of aspen leaves all around me, and the chill autumn air, as I stood outside, trying to keep my falling apart away from everyone else.I called her because I couldn't breathe from the crushing hurt and worry and fear, and yet I had happiness creeping in at the edges of my heartbreak. I was balancing on the rock, on my tippy toes, telling her that I couldn't handle feeling joy and pain all jumbled together.

She asked, "Why not?"
As I balanced precariously on the rock, my phone tucked in my shoulder, my arms out to my side in some attempt to do a yoga pose, I told her, "I only like feeling one emotion at a time. I want just joy or just heartbreak. I don't want the edges blurred."

Monday, August 17, 2015

School Cannot Come Soon Enough.

Summer slips through my fingers each and every year.

I think that the monkeys and I will do all sorts of bonding activities. Camping. Long hikes. The Incline. Days at the penny arcade. Grilling. Planting a huge garden. Building firepits. Traveling around the state. Leisurely bike rides and days at the pool. I picture us being one big Pinterest List of Kumbaya and Family Fun.

In reality....

I work too much (I know, I know, I am trying to remedy this...). They netflix too much. And argue too much.

I know it is time for school to begin when I see this battle line drawn.

The kid laid claim to his own jar of Nutella from Costco. Told me I could keep his lawn mowing money because the jar was his. Pretty sure he thought about brandishing a fork weapon if G came close to his jar.

I am counting down the hours til school starts. And I am not touching said Nutella Jar. Pretty sure it is booby-trapped.

Peace and love and Pinterest family fun and your very own jar of Nutella, buttercups. XOXO

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Heart on my wrist

Have you ever heard that expression 'wearing your heart on your sleeve?'

I wear my entire being on my wrist- I have six bracelets that I wear almost like my own personal talisman collection. The only thing missing from my wrist is the day-glo purple rabbit foot I had as a kid for good luck. It might get in the way of everyday activity and would probably be a little gnarly if I actually found it.

I have a charm bracelet from my mama. It has charms reminding me to breathe, a sailboat from my mother-in-law, a turtle, and other gentle reminders that ground me. Every charm comes from a loved one or signifies something that defines me.

Life moves fast

I used to have reservoirs just a few steps from my wee cottage's front door. Full of bears, squirrels, deer, foxes, and a few animals I ...