Thursday, June 6, 2013

Monchichi and a bit of anesthesia

Monchichi by lucaohman
Monchichi, a photo by lucaohman on Flickr.

So, I had a boob job today. *SNORT*


Anyone who knows me knows that I have spent my life from eighth grade on trying to get rid of the boobs, so that first sentence is a LIE.

But, I did have general anesthesia for the first time in my life. This was a truly strange experience.

Several things were strange. First, apparently I was the first person that my primary nurse knew who had an eyebrowing plucking/rogue German ancestry chin hair plucking/teeth cleaning/face washing contingency in place in case I went into some long term coma from a freakish anesthesia reaction. It's not that I am vain or that I would even care if I was in a coma, but I would not want my monkeys to think that I was a monchichi when they came to see me. I thought everyone would have something like this in place, along with the Medical Power of Attorney. Which I have in place. Ahem.

Second, apparently I need to act up more. Suck air in and tear up, or complain a little about the IV and hawt attire. I need to request more heated towels and pillows and different magazines. I did none of this because I really just wanted to get through so that I could find a cup of coffee. For the love of God.

Third, General Anesthesia is NOTHING like Grey's Anatomy or any other show. There is no blurring of the edges as you drift off. Nope. There is an "I am going to put the mask over your face', and then ninety minutes later a different nurse standing there as you ask when they are going to put the mask over your face. An abrupt loss of a chunk of time. My new nurse did tell me that her husband kept talking about his 'B Danka Dank' while he was coming out of his first time with anesthesia. Pretty sure I did not do that for numerous reasons, one being I had to Urban Dictionary that one. I hope I didn't say anything awful or tell them about my dream last night involving a deceptively violent bullfrog with sharp teeth. Oh well, that is why they get paid the big bucks, right?!

Fourth, apparently there is a lingering issue with mental fogginess even after you can walk and talk. I heard five or six different nurses and doctors say "No major life decisions for the next couple of days". Doh. I can't even finish a compound sentence out loud, much less buy a car or change my will.

And finally, I don't really look like a monchichi. This is the anesthesia speaking.

Goodnight, buttercups. XOXOXO

Thanks @ lucuahman

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