Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Coming up for air.

I'm baaaaack.

Happy Father's Day to us :-)

...and to us :-)

No really, I tend to go underground around Father's Day. One of those holidays that makes me all envious and weepy and all around bitey. My father had amazing potential but it all got lost underneath the crushing heaviness of addiction. My father memories are chock full of broken promises and empty bottles. My stepfather actually told me the week after he married my mother that he didn't want another kid and had no intention of taking on the father role. Looking back, I was Timesboy's age at the time, and I can see with a wide-eyed clarity how crushing that was to a kid. Quite sure when I open that Pandora's box someday in therapy, there will not be enough kleenex boxes to mop up the tears.

And then I watch my kids struggle with navigating the challenges of their relationship with he-who-must-not-be-named. Heartbreaking, but nothing I can do. All I can do is love em, and have faith that they are stronger than the hurt. They have fifty percent of my DNA, so I have strong faith in this.

That being said, I should not have gone underground on Father's Day. I probably also should not have told the grocery store manager that I hate Father's Day and to suck it when he kept talking about Father's Day as I bought my berries and milk. I should not have gone underground. I should have praised the single mamas who wear two hats, being mom and dad every day. I should have taken the day to be thankful for all of the fathers out there who are doing their job. I should have lifted up the men who step into the daddy shoes when the biological daddies fail to. I should have given love to the ones who pay the bills for kids who aren't theirs, even as the 'real' daddies cry broke when they aren't. I should have given kudos to the family friends who step up, the uncles and the male figures who act as dads when they are not. These guys, the ones who don't have to show up, they are the ones that I should have been concentrating on. My kids are surrounded by men who step up to the plate every day, and I hope they are soaking in the love and the lessons from these men. These guys deserve the cards and the ties and the six-packs of beer. Every day, not just Father's Day.

Happy Late Father's Day to all of the good ones. Peace and love and microbrews and bad ties. XOXO


  1. Used to take me hours to pick out the right "Parent's Day" card, one with a message that wasn't forced or phony or made me a little sick in the belly.

    Girl, you can write.

    1. Thank you :-)

      Coming from you, a high compliment. I miss your foodie writing, but assume you are writing something wonderful?

      My sister and I think there should be reality cards. Not quite someecards, but not pure syrup either. "Thanks for sharing the DNA and last name." "Thanks for the Christmas present in 1982." Or just "I wish you well. Happy Father's Day."

  2. "You steered clear of the knitting needles. Happy Mothers Day."

    You could make a million dollars with reality cards. I'm sick with million dollar ideas(privately I'll share with you and you alone the "sublimal vagina" restaturant concept).


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