Tuesday, August 7, 2012

On my motherly failings...

My failings as a mother became painfully obvious yesterday when I told my daughter to 'nut up or shut up' via text. Granted, I was trying to make a valid point in a humorous way by quoting her favorite movie, but still.. The fact that I quoted this-


as my sweet darling's favorite movie, is indeedy proof that I have failed as a 'good mother.'

Further proof?

My monkeys know many lines to 'How I Met Your Mother' by heart. They quote Barney and ridicule Robin Cherbowski like we used to quote the Brady Bunch and ridicule Jan. I try to soften the deleterious effect of  watching Ted and Barney by telling them both to see what Barney would do. Then do the opposite. For all that is good, do the opposite.

I try to feed them kale and berries and beans and avocado and cucumber water. I am a fairly (okay, sometimes rabidly) healthy eater. I hate cooking meat with a fiery passion, so they eat a LOT of veggies lately. And then, I cement 'bad mother' status with a meal like this...

Yep, that platter is as grande as it appears.

Yes, those are actually a throbbing heart attack on a plate. Bean and cheese nachos with sour cream, pico (a veggie, natch), and EXTRA guacamole. I may heart my raw food soups and homemade Lara bars, but I. Will. Take. You. Down. For. Nachos. And Superteen was more than happy to go along with this plate because it meant less kale.

Bad Mother Status- I speak to them like adults. I let Superteen drink coffee.  I encourage questions- unless they hit forty in a row. I then encourage the Quiet Game. I practice benign neglect in the summertime- make your own sandwich and take your own library books to our library branch. I refuse to set foot in an amusement park- I did my Disney sentence. I don't spank- Hitting makes me bitey, not obedient, so I assume that trait trickles down. I let them read everything they can get their hands on. Except for Fifty Shades. I do not want to explain 'safe words'.  I quote Zombieland.

Timesboy, dragging on his bike? Rule number one- more cardio...

Superteen, groaning about the horrid thing she calls life? Rule number thirty-two in Zombieland- enjoy the small things.

Yep, proof positive that I am a HORRID mother. I quote Zombieland in my discipline techniques. I also stole from their Halloween trick or treat bags.  

For all of my failings and shortcomings, I do lovelovelove mah monkeys. Hopefully that will overcome HIMYM quotes and nachos for dinner.

Peace and love and quality parenting, buttercups. And remember, rule number three, always wear your seatbelt. You are welcome. XOXOXO


  1. Fess up, dear! Tell me your shortcomings :-)

    I wish we were all more honest with mothering in the trenches.

    Confession- I also make them clean bathrooms.


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