Sunday, March 18, 2012

Without pants

One month of not being an 'And'.

I've had my ups and downs with it. Some days, I do what I want, when I want. I love those days- I feel authentic, more 'me' than I have felt in a veddy long time. I eat mostly vegan with the occasionally piece of sashimi, haven't touched a frikking pork chop in four weeks. I unashamedly watch trashy TV (Hello Jax. How you doin'?) and have lime-drenched popcorn for dinner in my crossword pj's and Drunk Kitchen tank top. I run when I want, stay in the city and have dinner with girlfriends, watch chick flicks, and sign up for nerdy conferences that interest me. I wake up without a bottle-o-wine-induced grogginess and am more clear-headed and focused than I have been in years. These times- I absolutely love being solo.

And then, there are the other times. A friend who is going through a similar time and I were talking about it yesterday. We check in on each other, do a little reality and mental-health check periodically for each other. I rarely self-censor, and when she asked how I was doing, I said, "I miss his kiddos terribly. I miss Squish, big dumb doggie, so much that my heart hurts. I miss being part of two. Going from two to one feels kind of like I am walking around in public without pants on. Everyone else has pants on."

Ridiculous, but she got it. Going from being part of a couple to solo can make you feel  exposed and vulnerable. Although after we got off the phone, I started thinking about how much my monkeys absolutely hate pants. They both argue that the world would be a more peaceful place without the whole mandatory-pants-wearing thing. Superteen counts the minutes til she can get home and, at the very least, change into pajama pants. Timesboy would happily live like a little flasher if he could run around in a shirt and underwear- the kid despises pants.

So, maybe, just maybe, this whole 'wearing pants' thing is entirely overrated. Maybe it is okay to feel a little bit exposed. All in how we look at things, right? And besides, this breakup diet has been good to me :-) and my boyshorts are pretty stinking cute.


  1. You express yourself SO well! We all struggle everyday. I'm working on practicing positive thought patterns me-self!

    You're in my thoughts!
    Love you!

  2. What a wonderful 'hug' to wake up to this morning! Thank you and Happy Monday, pants or no pants. Although it is a bit chilly this morning, so we are not going to take this literally... :-)


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