Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Cinnamon Girl


My sister is celebrating the anniversary of her twenty-ninth birthday today. I wish I could make her a ginormous red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and twenty-nine candles. Or that I could whisk her away for a girl's weekend of shopping and running and wine (white for her, red for me, natch).

Real life gets in the way, so instead I can just send her a gift. Send her good vibes. Call and sing to her until she begs me to stop. Send her the cards that I buy because we share a sick love of Hallmark and all cards, funny/sweet/twisted. Lift her up in my thoughts and prayers and tell her that I would have picked her as my best friend even if we weren't sisters.

I should also apologize for being such a bratty little sister. I harshed her gig more than any other little sister ever could have. I tagged along on sleepovers with her friends, I tagged along on her  dates. I followed her to her after school job, and probably jeopardized it with my endless questions. I blabbed her secrets, and my big mouth guaranteed that she spent a large amount of time grounded. I stole her earrings and may or may not have pilfered some of her clothing. Every time I was annoying the holy heck out of her, I was trying to be like her. I should have spent less time being Ramona the Pest and more time telling her I looked up to her. I cannot go back in time, but I can tell her now how much I look up to her and admire her. Every day.

Happy Birthday, sister of mine. You are loved and adored! XOXO


PS- Sorry your gift is late. You know me, pretty sure I was born late and will die late.


Monday, September 15, 2014

Silvery Strength

I haven't taken this necklace off since the beginning of April. Not once. It's been in the shower, in Brazilian salt water, chewed on by my friend's chunky monkey babies, up mountains, and down steep descents. It's caused a permanent knot in my hair, and I may have a funky tan line from it. But the last five months have been so hard, so fucking hard. They have been a lot of pushing a boulder up the mountain, without knowing how I could even take the first step. They have been falling down and getting back up again, sometimes literally wiping the dirt off and continuing on.

I needed a tangible reminder that I was strong enough. That I got this.



Silly little necklace, but it has been a reminder every step of the way that I am braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think. It's been one that I could literally touch the silver and breathe in the words if I started slipping.

I took it off my neck yesterday. Seems like such a tiny thing, taking off a silver necklace. In some ways, it is a tiny thing. In another way, it is huge, this not needing a physical reminder that I am enough.

Peace and bravery and strength, buttercups. XOXO