Thursday, March 22, 2012

Keys

If you had told me a month ago that I would be so excited about new keys to a new place and new beginnings, I would have told you that you were nucking futs. I am so stinking excited. Except for the literal moving part. Being excited about that would make me a masochist. Excited about the AFTER part, silly wabbits! I'll be back next week, after I dig out from beneath the boxes.

Keys to a fresh start...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Amen

Lord, unwrinkle my tired soul
Unsnarl my garbled thoughts
unwind my gnarled nerves
and let me relax in Thee.
       Marion Wright Edelman

Dear Lord, I need your peace today.
I have crooked places that need to be smoothed.
I am facing mountains I cannot climb and Valleys
I cannot cross. I need help. I release into your hands
all of the worries and anxieties and struggles of life.
        Dr. Suzan D Johnson Cook

I have a couple of friends who are hurting so badly right now, and I am helpless to take away their hurts.
I dug and dug and dug, not an easy task amidst all of the boxes, and managed to unearth these prayers. They got me through the unravelings of my marriage and the months afterwards. Definitely worth finding them again.

XOXOXO

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Without pants

One month of not being an 'And'.

I've had my ups and downs with it. Some days, I do what I want, when I want. I love those days- I feel authentic, more 'me' than I have felt in a veddy long time. I eat mostly vegan with the occasionally piece of sashimi, haven't touched a frikking pork chop in four weeks. I unashamedly watch trashy TV (Hello Jax. How you doin'?) and have lime-drenched popcorn for dinner in my crossword pj's and Drunk Kitchen tank top. I run when I want, stay in the city and have dinner with girlfriends, watch chick flicks, and sign up for nerdy conferences that interest me. I wake up without a bottle-o-wine-induced grogginess and am more clear-headed and focused than I have been in years. These times- I absolutely love being solo.

And then, there are the other times. A friend who is going through a similar time and I were talking about it yesterday. We check in on each other, do a little reality and mental-health check periodically for each other. I rarely self-censor, and when she asked how I was doing, I said, "I miss his kiddos terribly. I miss Squish, big dumb doggie, so much that my heart hurts. I miss being part of two. Going from two to one feels kind of like I am walking around in public without pants on. Everyone else has pants on."



Ridiculous, but she got it. Going from being part of a couple to solo can make you feel  exposed and vulnerable. Although after we got off the phone, I started thinking about how much my monkeys absolutely hate pants. They both argue that the world would be a more peaceful place without the whole mandatory-pants-wearing thing. Superteen counts the minutes til she can get home and, at the very least, change into pajama pants. Timesboy would happily live like a little flasher if he could run around in a shirt and underwear- the kid despises pants.

So, maybe, just maybe, this whole 'wearing pants' thing is entirely overrated. Maybe it is okay to feel a little bit exposed. All in how we look at things, right? And besides, this breakup diet has been good to me :-) and my boyshorts are pretty stinking cute.



Saturday, March 17, 2012

Pinch me. Wait, never mind.

Superteen spent the night at a friend's house last night for a birthday party. She always wakes up before anyone else, so we were IM-ing this morning.

Superteen- "r u wearing green, Mom?"

Me- "Duh. Of course. Why?"

Superteen- "I was going 2 give u a virtual pinch."


Superteen- 17            Me- 0

On that note, Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Going out with girls tonight and staying FAR away from Irish men, tall and leprechauns alike!!
Peace and Love and Guinness and four-leaf clovers :-)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Stories

I am a storyteller.

 


I am not sure if it comes as a survival technique from being raised as the child of an addict, if it comes from being with an addict for such a long period, or if it is just the crazy mishmash way my DNA happened to be put together, but I am a storyteller.

When I was younger, it came out in the little stories I would write. As a teenager, it came out in my oh-so-dramatic journal entries and poetry. (The high school poetry- if I ever die unexpectedly, it is on my top shelf in a taped up shoe box. Whoever gets there first, please burn it. Burn. It. Shhhh.) As I had my monkeys, it came out in my stories- lots and lots of bedtime stories and long drawn-out sagas told during drives and park trips.

I haven't told stories in a while because they have fallen to the wayside as life has gotten so thick with reality. Even as I have let the stories fall back into the shadows, they have still been there. This past month has been good in that I have realized I am indeed a storyteller.

I have had this one stewing for a while but haven't gone anywhere with it. And now it is bubbling up and I am so stinking excited. I am writing constantly, and rewriting and going back to it. I wake up with it and go to sleep with it. I almost feel like this story is writing me versus the other way around. It is the reason I sleep four hours a night and may have perpetual bags under my eyes.

So there you go. Oh, and by the way, it is fiction. I may be taking notes in real life but I won't name names. So you can breathe easy. Whew.

Muah Muah. Mushy love, y'all!

                                                                                    (picture by asme.org)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Five thanks and a bonus...

Went to dinner with one of my besties tonight- Wonderful! I am loving catching up on all of the things I have been missing out on- tonight was a reminder of this.

We were talking about gratitude- about finding the proverbial silver lining. She shared that she would journal five things she was grateful for, no matter how small. These things may or may not have included "I am grateful for not clocking that witch over the head when she was rude at the department store" and "I am grateful for the ability to cuss creatively." Some days we may have to reach to find things to be grateful for, and some days a sense of humor may be one of those five things.

Five things I am thankful for.... Hmmm, I can probably name five hundred, but five things for now because this is my blog and I can be self-absorbed if I wanna be :-)

1- New Normalcy. Falling into a new routine of kids and working out and friends and dogs and feeling authentic is a wonderful, if a little uncomfortable, sort of normal. I am kind of digging it, even as I still mourn the loss of the old normal.

2. Springtime. Longer nights filled with sunshine, sixty degree days- these things make me realize how much I hate winter. Snow can be beautiful and fun when you vacation in it, but the interminable nights and ice truly bring me down. Every bird singing and every little blade of green grass fighting to survive bring me a little bit of joy as I await the new Spring.

3. Gluten free hot and sour soup. Good God, I could live on that stuff. Especially when it is served in a bowl larger than my head. (I have a pumpkin head, by the way, so dinner tonight was a generous bowl of soup :)). Along with the requisite fortune cookie that I cannot eat...

"Opportunity awaits you on next Tuesday."

Bestie took this as I am going to get lucky next Tuesday night. I take this as I am going to buy a lottery ticket for next Tuesday night. Either way is a win, but I absolutely and whole-heartedly prefer the winning ticket, Willie Wonka...

4. Sons of Anarchy- I am ADDICTED to this show. One, it has an excellent storyline woven into all of the blood and guns and biker gangs. Two, the characters are amazingly well done and well acted. Three, Jax is hawt. Capital H Hawt. Four, and most importantly, these characters are so messed up and drama-filled that I can turn off my Netflix and feel remarkably boring. My drama has nothing, NOTHING, on biker gangs.

5. Kumquats, Kale and Kombucha. I think I may have some weird 'K' fetish with my food lately. I can happily live on these three things. One of my friends noticed that Timesboy only liked foods that started with "Ch" when he was little- Cheeezits. Chicken Nuggets. Chip. Cheese sticks. Chewy granola bars. Chocolate.  (Don't judge my parenting- it was a fleeting phase for the boy.) I may be channeling him with this single-minded alphabet-based food kick, although my kick prevents scurvy instead of causing it...

6. (Yay, a bonus gratitude!!!) Profanitycandy, an app on my phone. Oh my goodness- most creative cursing ever- it can make me laugh out loud and blush. I won't say the words here to keep it PG for my mama and my Mema, but let's just say I am glad I gave up red wine for Lent and not cursing.

XOXOXO



Monday, March 12, 2012

Boxes

I am getting entirely too efficient at packing. I solemnly swear not to move again unless I am moving into a home in Palmer Lake that has a climbing wall for my monkeys, a custom kitchen for me, and a yard for the critters that cleans itself.

Just the tip of the cardboard iceberg...

Funny how everything fits so neatly in boxes when you do it enough times. I am reminded of a little wooden game that my Mema had years ago. Way before Jenga, possibly before the wheel was created, it was a little wooden box game that had pieces that fit perfectly together if you practiced it enough.

I have definitely practiced it enough. All of the pieces are fitting perfectly together. And after next week, I. Do. Not. Want. To. Play. Anymore. No more boxes, no more fitting all of the pieces neatly together, only to shake them up and do it again. 

If you cannot see it, I really hate the boxes. And I need a drill. That didn't fit in Mema's game but it is part of this one. I need a stupid stinking drill.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Downtown Art with the Monkey






Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
                                                                                                -Pablo Picasso


Living, gorgeous proof that art is not simply hoity-toity pieces to hang on our walls. Art is everywhere we look, even on the street next to a bike rack.

Peace and hope and happiness, loves.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Timesboy-  "Mom- I made you an Alabama flag!!!!"

















Me- "Wow! That is so cool!"

"Ummmm, why an Alabama Flag?"

Timesboy- "Because it was easy."

Mom- 0          Timesboy- 789

Monday, March 5, 2012

Now what, buttercup?

Girls' night last weekend. Yummy cranberry-vodka-sparkly something and catching up, lots of catching up. Laughing. Crying. Kid-talking. Counseling. Dissecting. All of the girlstuff that I didn't even realize I was missing.

Hours into the night, as I stared into the bottom of my empty cranberry glass, one of my friends asked a big question.

-Robin Shreeves, photographer


"So now what? What are you going to do for you?"

Wow. Now what. What am I going to do for me? What AM I going to do for me?

I am working through all of my phases. Denial and rage and sadness and all of that- damn that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and her spot-on research. And now, I sit in acceptance. I may revisit anger or heartbreak tomorrow, but right this moment, I sit in acceptance. And I roll that question around in my mind- "What am I going to do for me?"

Hmmm. I am not sure but I am slowly forming some ideas. I am going to write. I am going to run. I am going to squeeze my monkeys so tight.I am going to call my mama more. I am going to try and reach out to people I love and miss. I am going to belt out songs, no matter how bad-American-Idol my voice is. I am going to sew pretties. I am going to love on my dogs. I am going to cry, probably more than I want to admit. I am going to keep moving forward and keep my heart open. I am going to learn how to make a wicked margarita. I am going to get stamps in my passport. I am going to hike in this beautiful corner I live in. I am going to keep a plant alive if it kills me. I am going to try my best to not take things for granted ever again.

XOXOXO Sweet dreams.





Sunday, March 4, 2012

New day

Changes on the way, buttercups!

Hoity Toity never felt really authentic so I am going back to "Everydayjill". However, I am all for simplification so I am going for "Everydayjill2" versus that waaaay too long "Everydayjillwentupthehill" jazz. I have also opened it up so that anyone can comment versus making people sign in. Thus, there will probably be weird spambotty comments- good times!

I am going to try to balance oversharing with some other writing. I may pontificate on politics, I may share my new favorite recipe for pumpkin granola bars, or I may share wisdom from the monkeys. I have a feeling that Pug pictures will also show up on the scene, along with pictures from adventures.

Thanks for checking in and for all of your wonderfulness via so many other channels.

XOXOXO

Peace and love and yummy stuff!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Leaves of Grass


“This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the
 animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks,
 stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and
 labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have
 patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat
 to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of
 men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with
 the young and with the mothers of families, read these leave
s in the open air every season of every year of your life, re
 examine all you have been told at school or church or in any
 book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your ve
ry flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency
 not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face
 and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and
 joint of your body.” - Walt Whitman

Lots to write but too tired tonight. Reading an oldie but goodie
 instead, and felt like sharing.