Wednesday, May 30, 2012

True Story

Things that may have come out of my mouth today. God help me, it's only Wednesday...

1. If you don't get your hands out of your pants, I am going to superglue your fingers together. Seriously.

2. Eggs are not a fruit. Neither are goldfish. Nice try.

3. I know you did not walk the dog. He told me.

4. What knife did you use. How bad is the bleeding?

5. Brush your teeth. Why? Because I love you and want you to have teeth. For a while.

6. I know it looks like poo. It's a vegetarian lentil soup. Just close your eyes.

7. Has the bleeding slowed down?

8. No, I am not upset. Good moms come home when they get texts saying "the blood is gushing."
   Next time, why don't you use a SMALLER knife for a strawberry? Or just stick the berry in your mouth?

5 comments:

  1. LOL thought this would be things you said to customers. We had a running Top 10 list a a place I used to work at. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooooooh, the stories we could tell, right?

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  3. This is precisely why I just borrow other people's children. I get all the good and none of this daily weirdness.

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  4. yeah but Chico...its the daily weirdness that gives you material for writing something like this. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chico's person,

    You can borrow my monkeys ANYTIME. Really, I can bring em over. Right. Now.

    Dan,

    Looking for a new post, sir. Ahem...

    ReplyDelete

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