True Story

Things that may have come out of my mouth today. God help me, it's only Wednesday...

1. If you don't get your hands out of your pants, I am going to superglue your fingers together. Seriously.

2. Eggs are not a fruit. Neither are goldfish. Nice try.

3. I know you did not walk the dog. He told me.

4. What knife did you use. How bad is the bleeding?

5. Brush your teeth. Why? Because I love you and want you to have teeth. For a while.

6. I know it looks like poo. It's a vegetarian lentil soup. Just close your eyes.

7. Has the bleeding slowed down?

8. No, I am not upset. Good moms come home when they get texts saying "the blood is gushing."
   Next time, why don't you use a SMALLER knife for a strawberry? Or just stick the berry in your mouth?


  1. LOL thought this would be things you said to customers. We had a running Top 10 list a a place I used to work at. :)

  2. Ooooooh, the stories we could tell, right?

  3. This is precisely why I just borrow other people's children. I get all the good and none of this daily weirdness.

  4. yeah but Chico...its the daily weirdness that gives you material for writing something like this. :)

  5. Chico's person,

    You can borrow my monkeys ANYTIME. Really, I can bring em over. Right. Now.


    Looking for a new post, sir. Ahem...


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