Friday, April 29, 2016

Tenacity

I would give credit, but no idea who to give credit to. #tenacious 

Monday, February 8, 2016
























I have amazing friends. Taking a bit of a break from Facebook, and within minutes, you guys are checking on me. I am around. In real life. Hope to see you soon!

Peace and love and connection IRL, cupcakes. XO

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Right Now.

"That's the magic, love. That you really love your RIGHT NOW."

I said these words recently to a friend as she was talking about how happy she was even though her life is not going at all according to plan. I laughed out loud as I thought about plans and how well they normally work. If plans worked, I would be celebrating my eighteenth wedding anniversary with a houseful of children. Or I would be a curator at an esteemed museum and have several cats. Or, reaching further back, I would own a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich shop on a beach.

Obviously plans don't work. Sometimes, not even plans for the weekend.

But here we are, and the magic is truly in loving the "right here, right now." No matter how far it is from the all important plan.

My "right here, right now" includes watching the Broncos, Brussels sprouts pizza, and this.


This was the furthest thing from what I had planned for the weekend, but here I am, right now. And I love my "right now." I will still keep planning, but I also know that life is good, no matter how the plans work out.

Peace and love and plans and pugs, cupcakes.

Monday, January 11, 2016

BRAVERY.

How is it 2016 already, people??

I don't have resolutions. EVER. I suck so badly at resolutions, that I get everything out of the way as quickly as possible. Baileys in my coffee with a buttery syrupy waffle on the side after I sleep in. A well placed curse word, and an inner promise to return to the gym when everyone else's resolutions fade.

I do try to concentrate on a single word that I want to work on or embody over a year.  I had a hard time coming up with a word for 2016. Kept trying to make words fit, but discarding them when I knew they were not just right.

Finally I woke up one morning with a word emblazoned in my noggin. The word.

Brave.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

Some Days, You Lose Your Pants...

She came flying around the corner, and nearly knocked me over. Probably six years old. Filthy shirt, cable knit tights, crazy hair,  a conspicuous absence of pants, and clutching a huge candy bar. She was followed by her brother and mother. Brother had hair standing in every direction, a filthy tee, a fresh cast, a huge candy bar, and a soda for good measure. Mom just looked exhausted and spent. She caught my eye, and looked ready for judgement. Pretty sure I would have been Judgey McJudge at some point in the past, either about the sugar surplus or lack of pants or something.
Instead, all I could do was pick up the candy bars that had toppled over in our near collision and talk to the little girl about how much I liked the candy bar she had picked. I smiled at Mom and went to check out my water and pay for my gas. 

After I drove away and got back on the highway, I thought about what I should have said to her mom instead of just smiling. I should have said, in all sincerity, "You rock. No matter how rough the day, you are still standing with your kids."
I should have also said, "It's gonna be a doozy of a story about the day that ended with no pants and a new cast. But right now, you should get yourself a candy bar and soda because you rock."

We all get so judgey about other people. Their parenting. Their lack of parenting. Their nutrition. Their political beliefs. Their religious beliefs. Everything. We get so judgey about everything that people do differently than us, never knowing what might be happening. That mom caught my eye with the expectation that some sort of judgement, silent or spoken, was coming her way. 

The Great Candy Bar Collision was a reminder that we are all usually trying our best. Or at least trying. Some days, simply showing up and trying is enough. No judgement here, love. Just what should have been a hug and a spoken, "Solidarity, Sister. Eat the candy bar."

Peace and love and pants and chocolate, buttercups. XOXO

Monday, August 24, 2015

Blurred Edges of a Best Day Ever

Sometimes, a moment is crystallized forever in our memories. Years later, we can tell you exactly what we thought and felt at a moment, down to what the smells and sounds were around us at that second.
This time several years ago, I remember everything falling apart. I had a kid in the hospital at the start of an excruciating journey. My heart was shattered and I kept having to remind myself to breathe, lest I forget. I had someone in my corner fighting the hard fight with me, and everything else going well. These things were pure joy. 
 I remember standing on a rock in my back yard, talking on the phone with my counselor. I remember the smell of aspen leaves all around me, and the chill autumn air, as I stood outside, trying to keep my falling apart away from everyone else.I called her because I couldn't breathe from the crushing hurt and worry and fear, and yet I had happiness creeping in at the edges of my heartbreak. I was balancing on the rock, on my tippy toes, telling her that I couldn't handle feeling joy and pain all jumbled together.



She asked, "Why not?"
As I balanced precariously on the rock, my phone tucked in my shoulder, my arms out to my side in some attempt to do a yoga pose, I told her, "I only like feeling one emotion at a time. I want just joy or just heartbreak. I don't want the edges blurred."

Monday, August 17, 2015

School Cannot Come Soon Enough.

Summer slips through my fingers each and every year.

I think that the monkeys and I will do all sorts of bonding activities. Camping. Long hikes. The Incline. Days at the penny arcade. Grilling. Planting a huge garden. Building firepits. Traveling around the state. Leisurely bike rides and days at the pool. I picture us being one big Pinterest List of Kumbaya and Family Fun.

In reality....

I work too much (I know, I know, I am trying to remedy this...). They netflix too much. And argue too much.

I know it is time for school to begin when I see this battle line drawn.


The kid laid claim to his own jar of Nutella from Costco. Told me I could keep his lawn mowing money because the jar was his. Pretty sure he thought about brandishing a fork weapon if G came close to his jar.

I am counting down the hours til school starts. And I am not touching said Nutella Jar. Pretty sure it is booby-trapped.

Peace and love and Pinterest family fun and your very own jar of Nutella, buttercups. XOXO